Introverts only..

Today I was told that I need to stop trying to control my life and trust wherever it takes me...even if it doesn't take me anywhere. I'm a firm believer that whatever is meant to happen happens; it just seems like a lot of waiting around with nothing to do, and I'm becoming more and more impatient. The key is that I'm supposed to be taking everything in stride and enjoy being in the moment...

I'm classified as an "introvert," but if I'm put into this category as a person who processes life internally and my wheels are constantly turning, how the hell am I supposed to enjoy being in the moment when I can't turn my mind off long enough to enjoy it? My BRAIN is a hamster on the wheel that never stops. I never did get a clear answer from this person, only that I have to change the way I think about things and find ways to distract myself when I get stuck in a moment for too long. The thing about us thinkers ("introverts") is that once we have thought about something long enough to make a conclusion about it, anything beyond that is exhausting to consider. It's like we embedded this belief within ourselves, and anything different from that is wasting energy...even if the belief is, in fact, false. If we do consider re-thinking and it and it doesn't work for us, that's even more energy wasted. So, I am essentially dancing around myself in circles because I don't know how to break the cycle. As far as doing things to distract myself and interacting with my environment, my options are limited. I go to work, come home, do a few things that need to be done, get my ass out for a walk if I have the energy, go to bed early, and wake up to do it all over again. Going out for a good time with friends is something of the past...I wasted too much time on the wrong people (happened for a reason right??). With my other half being on "unenjoyment" and our home life being up in the air, that adds even more fun into the mix. So while my mind has plenty to think about and not enough things to distract me, I find myself going day to day with smoke coming out of my ears waiting for an answer. [On a side note, if they legalized marijuana for medicinal purposes, I'd smoke a one-hitter over taking a handful of pills any day of the week. Not only does it calm me down enough to think rationally, it does wonders for my fibro pain. That's something my 5 prescription drugs can't take care of, and I don't sweat like a woman during menopause and cry at the drop of a hat if I miss a dose.]

I think I'll try listening to some music...  until next time.

"If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten"

This is my first blog, and the best place for me to start is with the present. I'm 26 years old, and I've always been waiting for that one thing that would bring change to my life. I've lived in the same small town for all of my life except for 5 months when I moved for the wrong reasons; needless to say, that was a bust. I've been married to my husband for almost 3 years, and we recently decided that we want to move to a place that is 700 miles south of home (about a 12-hour drive). It's not too horrible in the grand scheme of things since I'm used to the drive, but it will be a question of how often I'll be able to make the trip. We built a brand new house last year which we have been living in for almost 7 months; I'll be sad when/if we sell it, but I know we can build another one if we wanted to. I figure life is supposed to be full of adventure, and sometimes you have to give things up in order to get something new.

Right now, I am at a crossroads in my life. If everything goes through, this move will be a whole new experience for me. I'm used to taking the same road and getting the same results, and now I'm ready to take the road less traveled. I'm going into this well aware of the fact that it may not turn out the way I want it to, but it's a risk I'm willing to take. The biggest sacrifice I'm making is moving away from my family... I know it's going to be hard at first. They are all supportive which makes me feel better about it, but I'm still going to feel like I'm leaving a part of me behind. I'll miss my baby niece..I hope she doesn't forget me. I'll miss the summers and the lake...I'll miss the leaves in the fall...I'll miss delicious homemade Italian food...I'll miss family get-togethers...it's the small things that I will miss the most. I know home will always be here and I can always come back, but another thing I keep in the back of my mind is that I may come home alone. I guess we'll cross that bridge if we get there.

It's a beautiful sunny day and its 60 degrees outside. I'm going to take my puppies for a walk :)