Sunday

I'm lonely today...James left this morning for New York and gave me a half-ass hug goodbye which ignited all of my hormones and annoyances with him. The biggest question I ask myself is why it bothers me so much when just a few days ago I was lying in bed with him snoring in my ear thinking the space between us was a good thing. I also thought about our future; is this it? Is this what marriage is? I'm started to get very annoyed with some of his habits...his laziness...his excuses....the fact that he's perfectly capable of doing things and doesn't because he doesn't feel like it/he's lazy. Am I in a marriage that I shouldn't be in or is it like this with everyone? I get that these issues come up in every marriage, but constantly? I don't know if I can live like this. And what is he going to be like if we have children?? These things are hammered in my head when he is around, but when he leaves, I'm sad and lonely. I don't know...I'm good at driving myself crazy over things that don't have a quick fix. Marriage is work and I don't want to become a statistic, so I'll do what I can for now. Blogging helps.

On another note, I went for another walk/run today which felt good but I need new shoes. I may take myself to a shoe store tomorrow and get fitted for a new pair...I shouldn't buy anything, but theres no therapy like retail therapy!

I applied for a city job and the deadline to apply is tomorrow. I really hope I get a call back; if not, I really need to nail something soon. The good news is, after I finish my certificate program, I will be able to get a decent job that I think I will enjoy. Here's to hoping, anyway. School starts in 10 days....eek!!

Aside from the pile in the corner of things I don't know where to store, our little home is coming along. The boys just built an island with cubby spaces to put more kitchen stuff in. We put a bunch of pictures up, and I just ordered another wall 'canvas' with pretty pictures of Lake Superior. It's cheesy, but it's like a little piece of home that's here with me.

Until next time...